Why it has taken me so long to acknowledge my desire to be beautiful? Surely I've known this before! Or have I? I have always wanted to be pretty, but beyond that I have wanted to matter. To be someone who was not just look at but seen; seen for who I am and what I could and will be.
I became afraid to face who I really was, indeed I didn't even know that person inside me! I had to "fabricate me" I had to try on all manner of "faces" because the one I had was never good enough. Physical beauty aside, "I" wanted to be noticed, to be someone, to be seen.
God forgive me for looking to everyone and everything else to be seen when you saw me the whole time. Even before I began to see myself. You truly are El Roi - the God who Sees. You see me; you see my tears and hurts, you see my joys and happiness, you see my screw ups and failures. You know me better than I know me!
I lived many years with a famine of heart, because I didn't know that my desire to be seen could only be fulfilled completely by God. God's eye sees me! And in his eyes I am beautiful, I am someone, I am here, I am seen. I am still learning to live in this truth, I've found myself practicing it more and more each day, each week.
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